It’s not unusual to fumble when your child asks you a tough question, especially one that you weren’t prepared to answer. Children are curious to learn all about how the world works. If they don’t understand a certain thing, they turn to you for clarifications. No matter how tough the question is, don’t push it for later or say they will learn about it when they grow older. If you need time, be honest about it and tell them you need some time to think about it and will get back to them later. When you say this, make it a point to get back to them about it.
When you answer tough questions your child asks you, keep in mind that there is no right or wrong answer. How you answer a certain question could be different from how I answer it depending on what your family believes in. However, there are some things like answering how babies are born that can be answered on similar lines.
How are babies born?
This is a question that most parents dread to answer. In an ideal world, we should’ve been able to talk about sex openly and explain to kids about how babies are made. We do not, however, live in an ideal world and talking about sex is pretty much still a taboo.
I suggest you tell your child exactly how babies are made with as many details as necessary depending on your child’s age and level of maturity – to a point that he or she is satisfied with your answer.
I think stories about storks or angels could confuse them further. So, it’s best to be honest and explain the topic sensitively. It also gives you the opportunity to talk about good touch and bad touch. Take it slow though – you don’t want to scare your child with all that information!
What does death mean? Where do people go after death?
Questions about death usually pop up when a person close to them or a pet dies. You should explain to them by saying, “All living things have life spans and that they die after they have completed their life span”. You could point at dead plants or insects to show them that after death, the living thing disintegrates and cannot come back.
If a close one is dead, you will have to handle the situation carefully as they might assume they will come back the way cartoon characters prop back up after they have been squashed. So, you will have to prepare your kids saying that cartoons are imaginary and dead people cannot come back once they are gone.
Are you and Mom/Dad getting divorced?
Talking about divorce is disheartening as you and your spouse yourselves could be going through a tough time. However, it is important to acknowledge any question your child has about your relationship.
Children can tell if there is a strain in the relationship. In fact, they don’t understand how two people they love so much do not love one another. So, even if you are not getting divorced, it is important for you to tell your child that sometimes people can have misunderstandings or may not agree with one another even if they love each other.
Kids are bound to ask questions that concern themselves more than anything. They may develop fears that you may not love them or that you will separate yourself from them the way you separated yourself from your spouse – which is why you will have to assure them by telling them, “We will always love you and we are your parents. This is hard for all of us but we will help you get past this.”
Why can’t I have what she has?
As a parent, you know very well that children are always asking for stuff. The most common thing to say if you say no is that his friend has what he’s asking for. If you get angry and chide him for asking, your child may get upset or start throwing tantrums.
You could explain to your child saying, “I understand how badly you want the new toy but you will have to wait until your birthday or save up some money for a while to get it”. If your child continues to complain about how his friend has it and he doesn’t, you can add, “Each family makes different decisions and that this is the decision you have to make”.
Why do you have to work? Why aren’t we rich?
If your child asks you why you have to go to work, it’s mostly because he or she wants you to stay at home or spend more time with him or her. Instead of telling the child that you have to earn to survive, you could tell him or her “I wish I didn’t have to go to work. I think about you at work too”. However, don’t say, “I hate to leave you and go to work” as they may see work as a negative thing.
Some kids ask their parents why they have to work and why they can’t just be rich. If your child ever asks you that question, you will have to first understand that your child may not completely understand what rich means except for the fact that you can buy anything you want. The question might stem from any conversations he or she might have overheard about any financial issues you have. You will have to, hence, assure your child saying, “ We have enough money to buy what we want but we have to watch what we spend on. Let’s not buy anything that we do not need right now”. You will have to reassure him or her that you will be able to look after him or her well.
No matter how silly or awkward you think your child’s question is, take it seriously. Ask him or her what they think or feel about it so that you get a fair idea as to what they know and then continue to explain the concept to them.
Have you heard of any other tough questions from your children? How did you handle them? Let me know in the comments.
