Is Spanking an Effective Measure to Discipline Your Kids?

Not so long ago I realised that my 6-year-old son would be fast asleep when I went home after work every day. My wife then told me that he would run into his bedroom when I would reach home – which is when I realised what could’ve gone wrong. He was shaken up by an ill emotional response I had, though I did not exactly hurt him physically.

So, here’s how it went – I had just gotten home from work when Anoop, my son, started to pester me to buy him a new toy he had seen in his friend’s house. I told him he’d have to wait for a while because I had just bought him a toy just a few days earlier. Within a few minutes, he started throwing tantrums and started screaming out loud. We tried to console him but he simply wouldn’t listen. So, out of anger, I grabbed him by his shoulder and pushed him to his time-out corner. After 10 minutes (while still being angry) I asked him to go to bed.

Cut to the day I was reflecting on what I did – I realised that I had scared my child to the extent that he was too scared to see me. I felt horrible about it. I was sorry that I did not regulate my emotions and had reacted the way I did. So, I decided to fix it immediately and I did.

The next morning, I patched things up with him by apologising for what I did. I told him that I should not have treated him harshly and that I didn’t intend to scare him. Once we had a good chat and had the bad feelings out of the way, I took him to the movies and we ended up having a lot of fun that day.

If you’re reading this, you may have encountered a similar situation with your kids too. As you can tell, any form of physical harm – be it a spank or a grab – can affect kids. I decided to pen down my thoughts about how effective (or not-so-effective) spanking is when it comes to disciplining children.

Why you shouldn’t spank kids

Each child is wired differently and has a temperament of his or her own. So, each child will respond to violent responses differently – none good.

• Children often follow their parents’ footsteps. So, if you have the habit of beating your kid for every mistake he makes or every time you felt you had no other choice to make him or her listen, it could make the child develop aggressive traits over time.
• Spanking does not necessarily discipline the child. In fact, the child will slowly become immune to it and decide that they might as well do what they want to because they’re going to get spanked no matter what.
• As a parent, you may believe that spanking is the best way to get your child to understand but they may end up getting angry or upset about what you did and not focus on the lesson you are trying to teach them.
• In the long run, the child may have self-esteem difficulties and may feel a sense of shame all the time.
• Lastly, if you think spanking is the best way to discipline a child, what will you do later on when he or she turns older? Will you punish even a 16-year-old by beating him?

What’s the best discipline strategy for kids?

The reason why my boy started throwing tantrums for refusing to buy him a toy stems from the fact that I had not communicated to him about certain boundaries. So it was not entirely his mistake. I should’ve made it clear to him that I will buy him a new toy only once in three months or so. That way, he wouldn’t pester me every time he thinks of getting a new toy.

• So, firstly, set boundaries regarding basic things. If you wish to teach your child self-control in terms of how many toys he gets or how many chocolates he can eat in a day, talk to him or her about it.

If your child decides to forget the rule and ask for what he wants anyway, then take a minute and listen to what he has to say. Explain why you don’t want to give it to him and walk away. This way, his question is answered and you have reiterated the boundary you had fixed.

• Instead of punishing your child by hitting him for a mistake he or she made, think of other negative consequences that would tell him or her that it was a mistake.

So, if you find that your older child is hitting your younger one, put him in time-out. Instead, if you hit him yourself, you will send a confusing message.

• Every time your child makes a mistake, address it immediately. Do not delay it because a delay will not be as effective as immediate responses.

• Also, if you put your kid on time-out only once in three times he makes a mistake, he won’t learn. He’ll go ahead and do it thinking there is a chance that he will not get punished. You should make him associate his mistake to a negative consequence so that he does not repeat it.

• As kids get older, they tend to get rebellious, which is why you shouldn’t spank kids, young or old. For older children, you should come up with more effective discipline strategies such as grounding them for three days, taking their phone away for a while, not letting them watch TV for a couple of days, and so on.

No matter what discipline strategy you come up with, make sure you give your kid the fair deal because if he or she thinks it’s not fair, your strategy will not have the effect you would want.