While scrolling down my timeline on Facebook recently, I came across a friend’s post about her 8-year-old daughter winning a beauty pageant. The photo itself was sweet, but what really shocked me was the caption which spoke about how “none of the participants stood a chance against her daughter.”
The caption might seem harmless to many people, but there lies a very serious problem within it which is the cause of a lack of self-esteem among many young girls today. In order to boost her daughter’s confidence and self-esteem, she inadvertently puts down other girls.
This incident got me thinking about how we as a society have normalized things that are slowly destroying young girls all over the world. From magazine-images of digitally enhanced women to jokes about successful women turning into old cat ladies, the tools to destroy a young girl’s confidence are everywhere. So how do we ensure our daughters grow up to be confident women and not fall prey to society’s ruse? Thankfully, as parents, we have a great deal of influence on how our kids feel and think and we can use this to build self confidence in them.
Rule 1: Stop criticizing yourself
I had to learn this the hard way, forgetting how much of an impact I had on my little girl’s body image. I would be vocal about how I hated my hair, about my fear of putting on weight, how I wish I had a smaller waist without realizing what it was doing to the young girl in the room. That was until my daughter came to me one day asking when she could straighten her wavy hair.
When questioned about it, she told me she didn’t like her wavy hair just as I didn’t like mine. Since that day, I have been careful about what I say in front of her. Don’t get me wrong, there are still times where I wish I hadn’t had that extra helping of biryani, I just don’t voice it out. And in a weird way, not criticizing myself loudly has helped me accept and appreciate myself. I guess you really have to practice before you preach.
Rule 2: She doesn’t have to be a perfectionist
Making mistakes is one of the best ways to learn and grow. But if your little girl is scared to make mistakes, she might never learn. If she is used to being praised only when she wins or succeeds at something, she might start fearing failure. You don’t have to applaud her for failing at something, but you can let her know how proud you are of her for making an effort. This will motivate her to take risks without the fear of failure which in turn, will build her confidence. Make it a habit to talk about your own failures and how you overcame it in front of your daughter. One of the best lessons you can teach your kids is that trying is more important than winning.
Rule 3: Do not compare
We tend to compare our kids to other kids unknowingly at times. While this might not seem so harmless, it might instil feelings of insecurity amongst other things. This is especially common with girls. When you compare, it can go two ways: your daughter might get jealous of the other girl or she might start feeling insecure about herself. Both cases will hamper a girl’s self-esteem beyond repair. It’s important to remember that you can praise other kids without comparing them to your own.
Rule 4: Let her choose her own path
One of the best ways to boost your daughter’s confidence is to encourage her to be herself and celebrate her individuality. Let your daughter discover her own passions and interest without sticking to the stereotypes. Make sure she knows that you believe in her and the only person she has to impress is herself.
It is hard for a young girl to be confident in this world but with the right guidance, every girl can grow up to be a strong confident woman. There is no one method that will instantly boost your daughter’s confidence and self-esteem, but with constant reassurance and guidance, she will get there slowly. But for now, it’s important you start taking steps to help her build self confidence.
What are the things your little girl struggles with and how do you tackle it? Let us know in the comments below!
2 Responses
This is a very informative article. The tendency to compare our kids to other kids is very high. Comparison affects their self-esteem and could make them indulge in unnecessary and unhealthy competition too. It’s always good to appreciate your kids and encourage them to do better instead of comparing.