I was talking to a friend of mine recently about how hard it is to keep your calm around children sometimes. As we delved deeper into the discussion, we came to the topic of apologizing to our kids when we are in the wrong. When he said that he didn’t really believe in apologizing to his son, it didn’t surprise me. Over my years of being a parent, I have come across numerous parents who believe that they don’t need to apologise to their kids just because they are ‘adults’.
I know there are many parents who believe that adults don’t owe children apologies and that apologies don’t really matter to kids. Well, I disagree strongly. I can’t keep track of how many times I have apologised to my kids in the 10+ years of being a parent. Whether it was for missing my son’s performance or for simply yelling at him for spilling food on the table, I have made it a point to apologise every time I was in the wrong.
But why do I do it? Is it because I want my feet firmly planted in my children’s good books? Or is it because I’m too soft of a mother? Neither. I apologise for the same reason any of us apologise when we do or say something wrong- to let the other person know we care for them and didn’t mean to hurt their feelings. Why should apologies be restricted only to adults when children hurt just the same?
If you really want to get into the details, there are 3 reasons why I apologise to my children when I blow a fuse:
To let them know I don’t stand by what I did- I don’t usually get into situations where I have to apologise to my children. Don’t get me wrong, I‘m not saying that I’m a perfect mother, but I am a good enough mother to not do things that would hurt my children time and again. But every once in awhile, I forget to pick up their favourite ice cream or yell at them over something small just because I couldn’t cap my anger. I apologise to my children when I’m in the wrong to assure them that I know my actions weren’t right. There is a chance that I might ‘normalise’ certain things when I don’t take responsibility for my actions. And at the end of the day, I can use a little humbling too.
To feel better- We’ve all been in situations where we’ve wronged a person and then spent days and weeks feeling bad about it. Well, that feeling is worse when the person in question is your own child. Instead of wallowing in guilt, I’d rather apologise for what I did. Not only does it make me feel better, but it also makes my child feel much better too. At times, it gets to their head but a stern glare should put things back in place.
To set an example- Children tend to mirror what their parents do. So if you want your child to grow up to be a good person, you start by being a good person yourself. Apologizing to your kids will teach them about the importance of an apology. Having their parents apologise to them makes it much easier for them to apologise to someone when they are in the wrong.
I can give you a few more reasons as to why you should probably apologise to your child the next time you lose your cool but is it really necessary? You don’t a list of reasons to convince you why you should be nice to your child and validate their feelings, it is something that should come naturally to us as parents, and as human beings.
But I’d like to know about your opinions on apologizing to kids. Let me know your thoughts on the same in the comments below!
